


Seen and [Not] Definitely Heard

by Goldy, mrv3000



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-20
Updated: 2009-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-19 18:53:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/204138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldy/pseuds/Goldy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrv3000/pseuds/mrv3000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor is sidelined by Jackie during a Torchwood fundraiser.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seen and [Not] Definitely Heard

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to shinyopals for betaing and pointing out our complete lack of Britishness!

He's almost nearly certain that she's flirting with Dr Steven Brown, rich Torchwood backer and personal friend of Pete Tyler. Oh, it's not that he's jealous—though he _has_ been obsessively, quietly, and fixatedly staring at them both. Besides, Dr Steven Brown has a truly appalling cravat and his hair is flecked with grey in a way that _might_ have been distinguished, but the Doctor reckons is just pompous.

He fiddles with his bow-tie, wishing for his old tux back on the TARDIS. That fabric came from the planet Yearden, year post-five-thirty-nine. This new one is far too itchy. Jackie had it made—said he needed to look "presentable." (He had no idea what was wrong with his usual blue suit, and frowned when Jackie pointed out most humans changed their clothes periodically and those that didn't lived in cardboard boxes on the street. He reckoned he could fix up a pretty good box.) Not that she's letting him talk to the guests.

Rose's laugh floats up from the room and the Doctor glares from his spot on the staircase, staring down at the party. Next to him, Tony looks just as uncomfortable in a suit and tie (albeit a smaller one) and shoots spitballs down at the crowd with a straw he stole from the kitchen.

He probably shouldn't give Tony some pointers on how to improve his aim. That would be wrong.

Of course, _Rose_ is allowed to talk to the guests. He's not really sure why. She tried to explain that it was because she was more "diplomatic," but he knows that's a load of rubbish. Rose doesn't like schmoozing with higher-up types anymore than he does.

He spies a tray going past downstairs and stares mournfully after it. "Nibbles," he says, in a longing tone of voice.

Tony sucks in a long breath and lets a spitball fly. It shoots through the room and sticks firmly to Jackie's back window.

The Doctor sighs and looks back at Rose. Dr Steven Brown is close enough that he's practically breathing in her face.

He narrows his eyes. An alien invasion would be brilliant right now. Even a small one. Just... _something_ to give him his Rose back.

"Tony," he says in a quiet voice. Tony turns to look at him, eyes wide with trust. The Doctor _almost_ feels bad for what he's about to do. "Why don' t you turn the straw a bit to the right... yeah, yeah like that—no, other right. There you go."

Tony grins and a wicked glint comes into his eyes like he knows what he's about to do. Oh, Jackie is so not going to be pleased later.

"Okay, Tony," says the Doctor, still in that quiet and encouraging voice, "Fire."

Tony puckers up his lips and releases the spitball. It shoots through the air and hits the flower display. The first vase topples over, hitting the second one, which hits the tray of nibbles, which zooms through the air and hits the window right behind where Rose and rich Dr Steven Brown are talking, spraying the nearby guests with canapés.

Oh, he's good. He's very, very good.

"Yeah!" Tony says with delight. "That was _awesome_."

"Don't tell your mother that was me. In fact," he says, "I was never even here."

He springs to his feet, taking the time to wipe down some of the wrinkles in his tux. General confusion hits the room, guests all speaking loudly and at the same time. The head of the Torchwood Board of Directors busily combs food out of her hair while the catering staff runs back and forth picking up food and trying to right the vases.

The Doctor looks around, eyes falling on... Jackie. She's standing in the entrance to the kitchen, arms folded over her chest, looking murderous.

The Doctor swallows, suddenly reminded that he no longer has any regenerations left to rely on.

Rose meets him at the bottom of the stairs. "Are you _mad_?" she says, but she's grinning. "Mum's going to kill you."

"I was just thinking that, actually," he says, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

She turns back to pompous Dr Steven Brown, "Official Torchwood business, sir." Then she grabs his hand and literally drags him back up the stairs.

The Doctor turns back around to give Dr Brown a small wave and then eagerly lets Rose pull him along.

Once safely out of sight of the party below, Rose presses him against a door frame. For a second he thinks he's going to get a kiss, but she just hovers close to him. He moves his face closer to hers in an attempt to help her out, but she moves back.

Rose looks at him as if she's trying to decide what to say.

"I _can_ talk to people intelligently, you know," he says with a slight pout.

"Uh huh. Be all mature, like with the spitball."

He wraps his arms around her, fingers flicking at the dangling zipper on the back of her dress. "I've had conversations with nobility."

"I know. I was there for one of those times. Remember how that ended?"

The Doctor traces the length of the zipper and sighs. "Rose, why am I here? Why get me dressed up and park me on the stairs with Tony? Why get him dressed up too? We could be playing Space Commander on his game system, but instead we're both being tortured. Any minute I'll expect Jackie will want us to reenact the 'So Long, Farewell' moment from The Sound of Music, and I'm telling you right now I refuse to get into little shorts."

Rose giggles and softly hums a strain of the song.

He grins but then says, "Seriously, though. I just don't understand why I'm here. It's a waste of time, and I don't know if you know this or not, but I've got a limited amount these days."

Rose smooths the lapels of his tuxedo thoughtfully. "I think Mum just likes people to know there's family around. Show you off, really. She used to do the same thing to me whenever she'd have her friends over. She had to parade me around for a good hour before I could escape to my room. Not that she'd let me do anything with her friends. I don't know. It's _Mum._ She just does these things."

"Jackie Tyler _is_ a mystery, and one I'm not eager to unravel," the Doctor agrees. "But I think it's well past time that I staged a revolution. If this had been another planet, it would have already happened five seconds after those nibbles came out."

"Sounds dangerous," Rose says with a twinkle in her eyes.

"Oh yes."

"What are your plans, commandant?"

The Doctor wrinkles his nose. "That's _Agent_ John Steed, if you please. And my plans require you in a leather suit."

Rose's eyes widen in amused confusion.

"Emma Peel? John Steed? Ooh, apparently before your time. Anyway, I get to wear bowler hats while you get to parade around in skin-tight leather. Wins all around, I'd say."

Rose rolls her eyes and laughs. "How about we just _pretend_ on that skin-tight leather?"

The Doctor smirks at her.

"I should box your ears," Jackie hisses, striding down the hallway towards them. Rose moves back, looking a little like she'd forgotten why they'd come up here in the first place.

"Jackie, before you go on, I just want you to know that I refuse to sing. Or to get into little shorts. However, I wouldn't be opposed to a bowler hat..."

"This is for you, I'll have you know!" Jackie pokes a finger at his chest.

"The party you're having that I'm not allowed to go to is for me? Well, why didn't you say so? I'm so going down there!"

Jackie narrows her eyes. "You know what I mean."

"Honestly, I have absolutely no idea what you mean." A glance at Rose, who shrugs at him, tells him he's not alone.

"All this wining and dining is so that Torchwood gets funding and then they pay no attention to it the rest of the year. So you can go on building your toys--"

"Or saving the world."

"--or whatever you lot get up to."

"Things like saving the world."

Rose smirks, but quickly hides it when Jackie looks at her.

"Pssst, Rose." Both pairs of eyes snap back to the Doctor. "Let's make a break for it."

Jackie's hands go to her hips.

"Be very still right now. I understand her vision is based on movement."

Jackie kicks him in the shin. He really should have expected that.

" _Ow_ ," he says, transferring his weight to the other leg and hopping up and down. "What did you do that for?"

Jackie ignores him. "Rose," she says, in a serious you-know-what-you-have-to-do tone. Oh, he _hates_ that tone. It's the tone she uses when they all know she's right.

Rose sighs. "Doctor-" she begins.

He briefly considers sticking his fingers in his ears and humming, but Rose widens her eyes at him. Oh, now, that's just playing low.

"Listen," she continues, "it is only for a few hours, and with government cut-backs, we really do need the money. Mum's right."

"Don't _say_ that!" he yelps. Jackie looks like she might kick him again, so he hurriedly ducks behind Rose. "What if we made up an alien invasion? Just a small one?"

"Um...." Rose says, but Jackie rounds on her. She hurriedly changes track. "Remember that bloke I was talking to?"

"Dr Steven Brown, third wealthiest person in all of Great Britain and who has an appalling taste in cravats? Yeah," says the Doctor. "I've got a vague memory."

Rose twists her head around to look at him strangely. "Anyway," she continues, "he says that he's thinking about giving my department a spaceship."

" _Really_?" says the Doctor. "Dr Steven Brown! Good chap. I knew I liked him for a reason. What sort of spaceship? What's the maker? Well, this early in Earth's history, it's going to be a bit primitive, won't it? Of course, you lot have me, so--"

"We can send you out to Mars and hope you don't come back?" Jackie says. "Won't that be nice."

" _Mum_!" says Rose, looking horrified by the suggestion. She grabs the Doctor's arm, burrowing in close to his side. "Don't talk like that."

"Mars is rubbish anyway," says the Doctor, patting Rose reassuringly on the shoulder. "Very dry this time of year."

She turns her head to smile at him, and he smiles back, relieved. All right, so they have some separation anxiety. He reckons it's perfectly understandable given their history.

Jackie eyes them briefly, and for a moment the Doctor imagines he sees actual sympathy on her face. Not for the first time he wonders what life had been like for Rose and Jackie in this universe. If anyone could sympathize with Rose over losing someone, it's Jackie. But that moment passes and Jackie's back to her "step out of line and I'll slap you one" expression.

She crosses her arms. "We should get back down to the guests now that they've had time to pick canapés out of their hair, no thanks to you."

"It'll probably just be another hour or two," Rose says before he can come up with a response. She grabs his hand when he pouts and adds, "Think spaceship."

One last "I'll slap you" stare for good measure, and Jackie leaves for the party, but the Doctor trails after Rose. She relaxes her grip, he tightens his. She shakes her head at him, he does his best impression of the cat from Shrek. She gives him a light kiss and escapes when his eyes are closed, a smile on his face.

"...he even has a little girlfriend!" Jackie's voice carries up. Tony is in the process of being humiliated at the base of the stairs, presumably captured on Jackie's way back down. The Doctor feels a moment of guilt as Tony's eyes shoot upwards towards him. But then Jackie starts talking about someone being ill over Christmas and the Doctor suspects she's about ready to haul _him_ down.

He looks around, eyes falling on a window. Right. If he can get to the nearest bedroom and grab a bedsheet, he could be gone before Jackie can even think, "The mince meat pie ended up on the ceiling."

A tray going by below catches his attention and he freezes, suddenly distracted by those little cheese pastries with the walnuts in them. He _loves_ those.

He hesitates, eyes jumping from the window, to Jackie, to the nibbles and then back again.

Well, it can't hurt for him to take one—or two—or a handful—for the road, can it?

He starts down the stairs, but before he can get far, Rose pauses in the middle of the room, mobile phone held up in front of her. "Aliens!" she shouts dramatically, one hand flying to her forehead. The crowd gasps, all heads turning toward her.

The Doctor pauses on the stairs, glancing hopefully towards the walnut cheese pastry things. Before he can make a break for them, Rose catches sight of him and marches over. "Come on!" she yells. She grabs his hand and pulls him the rest of the way down the stairs. The crowd of people parts in front of them. Rose has a determined look on her face and he tries his best to mimic it. He catches a few people murmuring "so brave," and "thank goodness we have Torchwood."

The Doctor bursts out laughing the moment the door is shut behind them. Rose shushes him, glancing back at the house, her own attempts not to laugh coming out as chortling.

"You are brilliant, Rose Tyler. Absolutely brilliant," he announces. "Well, I suppose it was my idea to begin with, but you executed it perfectly!"

"What?" she asks, taking on an innocent air. "Just because there _happens_ to be a reminder of why we need Torchwood that just _happens_ to coincide with preventing you from setting the house on fire from boredom... All right, there could be a bit of brilliance going on."

"How'd you manage it? Or did you just suddenly burst out 'aliens!' in the middle of a very important discussion with Dr Steven Brown?"

"I texted Jake to call me. I _might_ have confused him a little during the very important phone call I suddenly received from him, telling me all about the aliens that had just been spotted paddling around the Thames."

"Paddling?" he asks.

"You know, aliens or ducks. It's sorta hard to tell in the dark."

"I have that problem all the time," the Doctor nods in mock agreement. "So what's the plan now that we're free?"

"Well, there are ducks that need to be investigated. And I swiped some pastries before my very important call from Torchwood, so we could have our own little investigation party."

"The ones with walnuts?" he asks hopefully.

"Yeah. I know how you like them."

He beams at her and blurts, "I love you!"

She gives him a lopsided grin. "I _really_ should stock up on these pastries. Maybe I could--"

Rose's words are interrupted by a loud bang that's followed by a blast booming overhead. A familiar-looking spaceship lights up the night sky, heading on a collision course with London.

"Oh, that's just not fair," Rose mutters at it as it zooms past.

The Doctor grins and shouts "Hannibal!" as a battle cry, then grabs Rose's hand, pulling her into a run. Taking care not to squash the pastries, of course.


End file.
